Wednesday, March 28, 2007

PPD, Celebrity Gossip, and My Home Search

Distressing news; as I have mentioned, my friend who recently gave birth is being taken over by a PPD monster. She was checked-in to the behavioral unit of their local hospital today. I truly hope she comes through this difficult period with a fresh new perspective and a much-needed break, as she adjusts to this wonderful but challenging new chapter of her life. She phoned me en route to the second facility to bewail the impending separation from her baby, and also to find solace in the assured confirmation that her friend (yours truly) had also been to a behavioral health unit of a hospital, at one point.

Sigh. THAT'S how long we've been friends; she already knows the answer. I was one of those unfortunate teens whose parents did not have the time to figure out for themselves why their kids weren't perfect. They could not be bothered to look inwards or at their divorce, which ended up lasting close to 10 years in court. Suffice it to say, they had GREAT medical insurance policies, and damn right they were going to use them. Fix my kids! So of course, I was only too happy to agree with her that I'd spent time in one of those horrid places, and look how perfect I turned out! She laughed a little bit. I breathed a bated sigh of relief, and quickly tried to come up with another self-deprecating remark, but all I could do was gulp back a sob.

Heather Mills didn't get sent home? I haven't seen any Dancing With the Stars, but I surely hope she lasts until the end. I don't believe most of what the British press says, although I can't stop myself from devouring every bit of gossip written about the whole mess. I think she's pretty fucking cool. I wish anyone the best if they are trying to start over and they don't let other people's negativity bring them down. It is very brave of her to be on that show. Good thing this ANS thing is winding down, so we can get back to reading some surprising gossipy celebrity stories. All I ever hear about lately is ANS-related and frankly I'm SO SICK of it, much like the disgusted reaction I've always had to anything Paris Hilton-related. Ick! I'm worried about getting herpes again just because I typed that hell cat's name.... anyway, I was never all that interested in celebrity gossip until Brad started cheating on Jen. I was working for an airline at the time, so I had unlimited access to gossip magazines that passengers littered the planes and terminals with. I still can't get enough of THAT mess. Can't wait to see how that train wrecks in the end.
Today I spent a couple of hours (while I should have been working) checking out condos and dilapidated houses for sale. First off, I don't know what my price range is. Yes. I know I'm supposed to find out how much I qualify for BEFORE I start looking.

But what if I don't qualify for the amount I want?
Then I wouldn't want to even look at all. Furthermore, I probably only qualify for the smallest little shithole in the worst neighborhood around here. So it's just a whole lot more enjoyable, I find, to inspect properties that I THINK I OUGHT to qualify for. That way, I can sniff disinterestedly if I see a bunch of teenagers hanging out in the driveway next door, blasting their car stereo. I can say, "Oh, this won't do at all."

"I refuse to endanger the lives of my children in a house with less than four bathrooms."
-Muriel Blandings
Mr Blandings Builds His Dream House
My must-haves include: 2 bathrooms. Both must have at LEAST a tub or shower; covered, secure parking (again, has to do with my price range. I don't need my car tagged, THANKS); decent-sized kitchen. That means not a "galley" kitchen; enclosed, private outside area- even if it's a small patio; Washer/Dryer or hook-ups in the unit! I hate lugging my laundry cleeeeear down to the coin-op in my building. PITA; NON-NOISY neighbors. I'd really like to see some old people next door. That way I could help them if they need something, since their kids probably will live in Texas or Michigan or whatever and don't bother to come home to check up on them except every few years. Noisy neighbors will give me PPD x 1000 in about 2 seconds FLAT.

Biggest problem with our market is that everybody bought last year, and of course asking prices tripled. Now, even though the market is flooded with homes for sale, do you think anyone is going to accept reality and ask a reasonable price? Hell no, they'd rather let the property sit vacant for 250 days, waiting for a sucker. Greedy greedy greedy. So I'm going to wait it out for a little while longer. Ugh, I've turned into the person I used to make fun of! Boring old complainer lady who complains about prices of things and discriminates against teenagers! Love it. That reminds me. I saw (not sure where) the best little invention yesterday.

"A great way to get back at those noisy neighbors! Give them a taste of their own medicine with any one of these 20 ear-splitting sound effect tracks. Anyone who's ever lived in an apartment will really appreciate this hilarious CD! Earplugs supplied for your listening pleasure. Imported from France."

Tracks include: 1) Drill; 2) Party (At Least 200 People); 3) Orgasm (Outstanding); 4) Train; 5) Drum (Played by a Child); 6) Inhuman Screams; 7) Walking (High Heels); 8) Domestic Squabble; 9) Doors Banging; 10) Bowling; 11) Unhappy Dog; 12) Practicing Scales (Violin); 13) Traffic Jam; 14) Garbage Truck; 15) Newborn; 16) Phone Ringing; 17) Ball Game; 18) Pigeons; 19) Spring Cleaning; and 20) Cock-a-Doodle-Doo!"