No way, not this MH! I'm talking about a guy in my office. Based on his behavior and that of other people I've known in the past who suscribe to these sites, I have concluded the following: it is extremely unhealthy to have a date every night of the week with, more likely than not, different people.
These may be the people we read about daily, who are losing their homes because they can't pay their mortgages. Hell with interest rates and sub-prime lenders. I know who the real culprits are. Yeah, that's right. I'm talking about Applebee's and Houston's (if you reeeeeally want to impress). These speculators are making an absolute killing, and it's because of idiots like the Guy In My Office.
Not that I feel sorry for GIMO.
GIMO is being compensated for his investment, trust me. Every day he comes in with an ever-raunchier tale to tell than he had the day before. The girls are getting progressively younger and trashier.
As his fiendish, bloodshot eyes swell with every culmination and victory, I do at times catch a glimpse of a savage degenerate lurking in the penetralia of his character. He's turning into a sex-crazed jerk.
Other days, we are treated to his tales of woe. The stunningly hot young thang who gives him an unforgettable three weeks- until she finds out how much money he makes- has somehow changed her phone number and will not return his emails. This perceived insult is cause for far reaching inquests as to the nature and depth of the she-devil's wickedness. It all gets so boring after awhile.
How many times does he have to say, "I left her a message that said 'Fuck, just tell me you don't want to go out with me anymore, stupid bitch.' I really let her have it, because you can't do somebody like that, know what I mean? I mean..." before he realizes that he's the real bitch around here?
Am I in awe of his ability to live without sleep and put on his date face every night of the damn week? Well, yes. I couldn't do it, so in that respect one must give GIMO his due. But he's still a huge fucking weirdo who needs to join a book discussion group or take a community college cooking class.
GIMO and I have always been able to relate to each other on many important levels. We are the exact same age, no kids, no prospect of having kids, and we are both obsessed with that sordid VH-1 show "I Love New York". In essence, neither one of us had a life before GIMO joined match.com. Now I'm explaining in painstaking detail how Boston picks his nose and flicks the buggers at Sister Patterson without realizing it. Every week GIMO's interest in Our Lady of Putrescence wanes. He better not let Sister Patterson catch him snubbing her daughter's "acting" debut.