Sunday, March 4, 2007

Broke, I tell ya, I'm BROKE




The healthy glow on my sun-touched nose has waned, now that I have been hard at work for over a week. Why couldn't I have won some sort of grand prize instead of reporting back to the office? Plus, now I'm bored. Word has gotten around that if anyone spends any length of time with MH, the only topic of conversation will be the "Trip Up North" or as I also like to term it: My Sister's House is So......

But that's okay. I'm buried in work anyway. I definitely found out which clients like me and which ones hate me. Some of them were asking, "What happened to MH? Is she alriiiiiight?" as if they indeed wished that I'd fallen off a cliff, preferably at the Grand Canyon. Yes, that first day back was a triumphant one. And it was also nice to see that there were actually people who missed me. Wow, now isn't that a blow for the ultimate pessimist?



But that does bring me to my main topic: my raise. Everyone in my department got a raise. It was based on our position and years of service. So of course my raise didn't hold a candle to most others my own age. Even many who are younger. Anyway. It was still a very good raise, but by the time it all came through, I had already made out a budget which told me that I still won't be making enough to pay my bills. The really sick part of it is that I spend exactly ZERO money on anything but necessities. You might say, "MH, didn't you just go on vacation?" Well, You. Yes I did. But I might point out that my sister was given a very large sum of money by my uncle, who had a point to prove about how much ass-kissing can help a poor brute in our family. I have formerly chosen not to kiss any uncle-ass, much to my bank account's disappointment. But nobody else in my family seems to have a problem kissing ass, so my sister was the happy recipient. She, in turn, decided that she wanted all of her brothers and sisters at her house for a weekend, and she sent me a few hundred to get there. I stayed at her house, and she paid for that too.

So back to my budget. I have budgeted myself down to the number of Morning star breakfast patties I can eat every day. I used to eat two patties, but seeing as how I can't afford to eat that many, I will now be eating one. That saves me about $6 per month. Plus, I eat less bread when I do that. So that will save me another $3 per month. See how that works? When you eat less, you really do save money. Next time you see an anorexic girl skulking around, looking in garbage cans, don't scoff at her for being a Type A personality with a perfection complex. Offer her a $10 bill. I can't even buy my coffee at the Quik Trip anymore. Every time I see a QT, especially if it's a TRAVEL CENTER QT, I almost convulse with joy. For anyone who hasn't had the pleasure of picking out "gourmet" coffee from Quik Trip, I do feel for you. But then again, you have not been burdened with the $40-50 per month it costs to enjoy this luxury. BTW, if you are blessed with QT, but don't know about the "gourmet" coffees, see if they still have Rocky Road. If yours still has it, mix it with some of the Mighty Mocha with Caffeine, and splash a bit of whatever regular brew they have in there. You will thank yourself later when you need to quickly think of something devilishly witty to say to or about your fiercest rival....

I could go on and on listing the small pleasures I'll have to give up, but the point is, I probably would have merrily continued this unleashed spending spree if I would not have gotten this damned raise. I'd still be blissfully unaware of my impending pecuniary ruin, I'd be running free, gorging myself on Morning star breakfast patties and QT gourmet coffee with wild abandon. But I'd be happy, damn it. I'd be happy.

3 comments:

ZuDfunck said...

Can't wait till the next post
brilliant posts
I am intrigued

mental hygiene said...

My many thanks, zudfunck. I was sure that I was my only reader.

mental hygiene said...

...and I'll be sure to see you when A-ha starts to tour again. Can't wait for that.