Thursday, June 26, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Anyhow I did my best to spare Outdoorsman's feelings.
Friday, June 20, 2008
and always felt that anyone who didn't understand my sense of humor was slow. Turns out I'm just more evolved. That means I can just be sympathetic rather than annoyed.
Sarcasm Seen as Evolutionary Survival Skill
By Meredith F. Small, LiveScience's Human Nature Columnist
posted: 20 June 2008 09:42 am ET
According to Dr. Rankin, if you didn’t get the sarcastic tone of the previous
sentences you must have some damage to your parahippocampal gyrus which is
located in the right
brain. People with dementia, or head injuries in that area, often lose the
ability to pick up on sarcasm, and so they don’t respond in a socially
Presumably, this is a pathology, which in turn suggests
that sarcasm is part of human nature and probably an evolutionarily good thing.
How might something so, well, sarcastic as sarcasm, be part of the human
Evolutionary biologists claim that sociality is what has
made humans such a successful species. We are masters at what anthropologists
and others call "social intelligence." We recognize and keep track of hundreds
of relationships, and we easily distinguish between enemies and friends.
Great article! I'm going to hand that to my boss next time I get a talking to about "how" I say things.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The other night, I was lounging on the Outdoorsman's back patio while he attempted to educate me on the finer points of dog training. The dogs were getting exasperated, but I was relieved that he had something to do besides brag about hanging off a cliff in some obscure mountain range all those years ago. During a rare quiet moment, I heard an unusual sound. It was familiar, but then again I couldn't place it.
I asked the Outdoorsman if he had a water leak in the sprinkler system because I could hear a strange noise. I put my hand down to the sprinkler head, and as I did, Outdoorsman decided to take control of the situation by sticking his own head to get a good look. Then he spotted the source of the noise, which was not the sprinkler head but was coiled up right next to the sprinkler head. Luckily I had retracted my hand by the time he FREAKED out and jumped back, screaming, "OHMYGOD it's a FUCKINGSNAKE! A SNAAAAAKE! A SNAAAAKE!" I was still sitting on the chair next to the snake, who was a baby rattler. I said, "Hey calm down, I'm sitting right next to him. Judas, just get the dogs inside and I'll follow you all."
So first the Outdoorsman saved himself and HIS dog, grabbing her roughly and dragging her into the house. She would have willingly gone inside had he simply held on to her while directing her to go, but whatever. Then it was up to me to take care of my own two dogs who don't listen to a damn thing I ever say. Luckily, I was blessed with a tad bit more common sense than the Outdoorsman. I calmly maneuvered the three of us away from the baby snake, who by this time had lowered his head somewhat and was glibly staring us down in triumph.
Outdoorsman dialed 911 and whined that his dog uses a doggy door so somebody needs to come out and get this RATTLE SNAKE! Sigh. For some reason, the operator declined to send out the fire department. Instead, Outdoorsman was given the number of some rattle snake removal service. Upon their answer, he started in again with his whining. They told him they'd be glad to come out, but he would have to assure them that he had the snake cornered or at least in his sight. They weren't going to look around all night for the snake. So Outdoorsman got on some headgear flashlight thing that he must use for all of his adventuresome cave explorations.
I told him that I would be happy to help search for the snake. "Ooooh no, you're staying in here. Calm these guys down." I stood up. "Listen, these guys will be calm if WE are calm. If you are acting a fool, it scares them and nobody will be able to help them. So give me a flashlight and let's get this taken care of." He got me another stupid head thingy and out the door he went. I followed, making sure the dogs--- "Hey, I said DON'T let those DOGS OUT!"
The fucker yelled at me! Even X never yelled at me. I don't think I've ever been yelled at by someone I was dating. I looked at him blankly, for by the time he finished his hysterically barked order, the door was shut.
My "flashlight" didn't work. There was no sign of the snake anyway. He had probably had enough of the Outdoorsman's craziness. Smart snake.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Speaking with a friend about Outdoorsman, I was called to task for judging the man so harshly. According to new information, men do not mature by any means other than force. So Outdoorsman, having never been married or sired children, doesn't have any reason to have matured. I guess it would be up to me to force ANOTHER man to grow up. But it didn't work last time, why would I expect it to work on this one?
Brother's opinion is that as long as Outdoorsman isn't a felon and doesn't have to pay over $1,000 per month in child support, I better sharpen those hooks because apparently time runs short for me. Plus he doesn't want to help move stuff around in my garage this summer.
Outdoorsman IS a nice guy in many ways.
I have personally witnessed him conjure quiet tears three times in the past month(I suspected that he was fishing for physical contact so now I am always sure to keep tissues handy).
When not bragging about his 15 year-old adventures, he showers me with compliments (This immediately puts me on my guard since I've rarely met a man who wants to spend every waking minute with a woman, and never dated any who had anything nice to say).
I can't stand the smileyface texts he sends, but then again does that mean I can be goofy without getting shot down? Hmmmm.
He HAS paid for 4 out of our five dates, and made dinner once. I had to pay for gas to drive cleeeear over to his side of town but that didn't matter to me since I don't like men knowing where I live until I'm good and ready to tell them. Of course, the date that I DID offer to pay for, do you think he considered my ailing bank account at ALL? Nah! He ordered TWO beers and let me tell you, this wasn't Chili's we were at. Think Vegas pricing and you'll understand my resentment. No matter, I'm not paying again because I have a mortgage to pay for and I don't have a freaking roommate.
Outdoorsman and I also share a few common character traits:
We can't stand people who litter and we are obnoxious in our complaining.
We can't stand people who park too close to our POS cars and we are obnoxious in our complaining.
We can't stand people whose noise bothers their neighbors and we are obnoxious in our complaing. Maybe be both have a death wish, expressing our ArchieBunker sides while living in this city.
We LOVE our dogs. He may be more of a dog lover than me. When not showering me with compliments after he gets tired of bragging about his non-lazy days of yore, he talks about how CUTE his dog is. And the dog is a happy dog.