Wednesday, March 14, 2007

One of those "what if" days

Late last night, I got the call from one of my very best friends. She had her baby. I have been elated, and I can't wait to see pictures. She is my very last friend from my high school who was childless. Now I'm it. The one without.

I can't wait to get back "Up North" to see them!! I bought TONS of cute little outfits for him, and all of them have a airplane theme because Daddy is a skydiver. Little D will probably be one too!

So My friend called again today to tell me more about the whole thing. I was in tears, because I know she has a good husband who will be a great dad, and they will be happy. This pregancy was the best thing for them. Before she found out about the baby, she complained about him all the time, and constantly talked about leaving him. But I kept telling her that if they could just work out their problems, they could have a happy family. Getting pregnant worked out all their problems.

Now I'm sitting here, wondering if my problems could have been solved by getting pregnant? Would it have made X grow up? Would he suddenly be struck with the urge to get a job, be responsible, and contribute to our future? I'm 99.9% sure the answer would be no, but man! What if there is that one slither of a chance that he might? Do I owe it to him or us to let him come back?

Is he my only hope for a partner? I don't feel very optimistic.
Who would want somebody like me?
I'm disorganized, forgetful, only make average money, and I work too much. I'm scared.

But what is more important is making this new baby feel loved. I need to take some vacation in order to get out there and see him! They said he's very cute!!

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