Thursday, July 31, 2008

Dating Fool

A single girl can possibly have her dinner paid for every night of the week if she has the wherewithal to shower twice daily. It is a time investment, but if you are poor, it can pay off.

Myself, I have too much pride to take these men for dinner ALL the time. I pay for coffee sometimes and once or twice have paid for a meal with a guy I've been out with several times.

Anyhow, let's go down the list of these guys:

Jam-Media Relations-boring, mole on his face. Cheap. Rents an apt. No manners. Shovels food in his mouth like an elephant, and messes with the lemon in his water.
Crish-engineer/pilot-perhaps has some sort of genetic defect which makes him extremely tall, but not a bad looking guy, personable, not much of a sense of humor, makes an obscene amount of money for a single guy, but is still CHEAP, athletically inclined, intelligent, naive. Kissed me on the cheek last week. Owns home, has a dog. Likes to tell stories that aren't all that funny and laughs unusually loud at them. Opens doors.
Pator-Another tall one. Same height as Crish. Works in computers. Owns home, no dog, likes to drive women out of town but I have always met him at locations. Speaks with a German accent but knows a bunch of languages. Laughs at my jokes and lets me talk all I want, apparently has no desire to say much. Probably makes slightly more than me, but according to Zillow, his house isn't worth more than mine. So there. Very much a gentleman. When we were at the coffee shop getting tea the other day, I mentioned that I like honey with it, but there was no honey. I started to get sugar instead. But within seconds, there he was with some honey. He actually went over and ASKED for it. Impressive. Also opens doors and walks me to my car.
Heracles-Sigh. Successful, tall and good looking. Not sure why he asked me out. I have been out with him only once and am in danger of seeming too eager. He is a reluctant door opener, didn't walk me to my car, so intelligent it's intimidating, not an exercise maniac thank God, and I suspect that he's just as CHEAP as Crish. Sigh. Probably won't call me. I've been gaining weight with all these meals out, but please sweet baby Jesus don't make me date an exercise maniac!
Some other guy-I think he's some type of sexual predator, so I high-tailed it out of the restaurant and hope never to see him again. ech.
Sal-Another engineer. We'll see.
Phil-Pharmacy. We'll see.

I started running again today because my gut is starting to spill out of my jeans lately.

Friday, July 18, 2008

The Fountainhead - a classic

The Fountainhead is history because he simply stopped calling yours truly. I can't figure out what it was, but I suspect he took one look at my house and it's endless "projects" aka deconstruction, and decided that I was only looking for someone to help out with necessary upgrades. Which would not be an unfair assumption. I'd LIKE someone to come over here and update the wiring. And the a/c. And do something about the baseboards. And then but in a couple base cabinets in the kitchen. No bid deal! But whatev. Thus far I have not had much experience dealing with rejection so it's good that I get used to it now that I'm headed into my mid-late thirties. It's probably only going to get more harrowing from here on out. But I really liked him. I was really attracted to him, and my knees do not weaken easily. Like I said. Whatev.

The Fountainhead was hot. He was a man. But he was arrogant and selfish. And he likes capers. I don't like capers. And I'm not a big sports fan, plus he keeps his dogs outside all day. I'd never do that.

Ok. So I've been dating a real life rocket scientist, who is ultra-intellectual but no sense of humor. He looks like a VERY tall Ron Howard. He is the stereotypical professional online dater. Surprise surprise, he is an avid: mountainbiker, hiker, traveler, and wine taster. Yeah. Nice guy though. Has his script down pat.

Also a sports writer who also has no sense of humor and a big mole on his cheek. But was very nice and I could probably draw the sense of humor out of him after a year or two of needling without mercy. Lookswise, he reminds me of a blond Joseph Smith, the guy who dreamt up the mormon church in a schizophrenic episode I mean revelation....

The Fountainhead looks like Gary Cooper coincidentally, but whatev. I don't care. He's REALLY missing OUT! He could be putting my baseboards in right now, what is he thinking??? Dummy.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Whatever happened to Jonathan Richman?

I have missed him ever since his last crappy album.

We need more old Jonathan.
Even though he shot me down in Chicago one time when I asked for "YO Tango" rather than "JO Tango." I forgive you. I had bigger fish to fry. Some young heifers were trying to elbow in front of me, which we all know is not cool. It's ok. I listened to the stupid spanish version of Vampire Girl instead.

Shed some light?

Friday, July 4, 2008

Fountainhead strikes again


Before subjecting myself to a holiday at my brother's zoo of a household on this beautiful national holiday, I must record this beautiful memory from yesterday.

I received a text from my new obsession, The Fountainhead. AKA Best Kisser Ever. It said, "Hey sorry to bother you at work. I don't leave til 10:30 pm. Didn't know if you wanted to grab some food or coffee before I leave?"

Didn't know? How could he not know? Did he not kiss The Rules right out of me the other day?

Of course I can't be stoic to The Fountainhead, so I replied with a bubbly acceptance of his invite.

First of all, it came as a huge surprise that he even wanted to see me again. I thought for sure he was finished with the likes of MH after my shocking inability to act like an adult last time I saw him. Second of all, he's leaving town for a week and he is actually making time for ME?? It doesn't make sense.

We had a great meal at a little local mom/pop place in my neighborhood. We had an hour to spare before he had to leave, so I showed him all of the wonderful improvements I've made to my house. He had lots of manly suggestions and used all sorts of manly home improvement words, which I have to admit was very exciting.

When he left, he bestowed upon me another long, wonderful, blinding smooch.

100% MAN!!!!!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

I like that. I'd like more.

X kissed fine, I don't have any complaints.
X before him, again. No complaints.
Outdoorsman I think was covered but if not, I'll have to go back and make sure I do, because he was just - oh, terrible!

I have finally, after all these years, experienced a blissful kiss.

Kissing was alright. Whatev.

Then last night, the Fountainhead treated me to a lovely meal and engaging conversation. I was sort of listening to what he said, but mostly I stared at him like a zombie because he's so damn good LOOKING. He intimidates me, he's so good looking. After din din, we stood around outside my car, since we did meet at the restaurant. We chatted for awhile about nothing really. Finally, the Fountainhead said, "Sooooo, do I get a kiss tonight?"

Calm, cool, collected me goes, "YES!" and OMGWTF. Like I said, it has never happened to me before. My brain became mush, my legs almost buckled. Kissing this man was THAT amazing. I would have loved to kiss him all night, but by the time I recovered from my temporary, pleasure-filled coma, I realized that I was just standing there, not even kissing him back. Because I couldn't move. I can't remember what all was said after that. The whole thing has become a blur.

I'm sure the Fountainhead wasn't all that impressed with my performance but honestly, if he does not call me when he gets back into town, I'll still be a happy woman, because now I know what it's like to have my socks knocked off.

So thanks Fountainhead, you are the man of my dreams. While this state of euphoria probably won't last because you are so far out of my league, I would not trade that kiss for a million Johnny Depps!!!!!