Sunday, May 6, 2007

Warning: Ambien may impair spelling, grammar and general cognizance

In my case it DOES. Sleep has eluded me regularly for the past couple years. When my concentration and memory seemed to suffer several months ago, I talked to my doctor. She prescribed Ambien. It works fine, however I do not tend to follow her directions when I take it.

For some reason, I feel relieved and assured that I'll soon be asleep- and what do I do then? I get busy, trying to pack as many projects in during that twenty to thirty minutes as possible. Of course this is the worst idea- and so very like me.

This behavior has been downright embarrassing. Then again I'm lucky that under Ambien's influence I am quite harmless. It's not like I become a completely different person- more like a Jackass version of myself. Not like I do stupid things that SOME PEOPLE don't need Ambien to do (like Monster Kitty or Crazy Filthy Men Stoning Kurdish Girl or Hindley). I just...

  • send rude email replies to X (eh, in the first place he has it coming for even bothering me at all and in the second place he wouldn't be able to catch any misspelled words anyway so no big deal)
  • send rude emails to Bill O'Reilly (never watch the show, but love the thought of riling him up) and for the most part
  • use whatever form of communication open to me besides the phone in order to make a fool of myself

From now on, there will be no talking or typing if I take one of those little tablets.

Speaking of Hindley and the No A-Hole Rule, I did buy the book. It was more or less a predictable but mildly witty and smartly packaged common-sense approach to accepting that there are assholes everywhere. I'm sure I got something out of it. Otherwise I'd have a hard time not feeling guilty for making the purchase. Who am I kidding, I feel guilty and that's all there is to say.

Tomorrow I think I'll dig out my old copy of Stanley Bing's What Would Machiavelli Do?

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