Sunday, May 20, 2007

Loves me, loves me not...

The other day I was subjected to the dreaded employee review. To my shock, I was criticized for things which I was sure would garner praise, congratulated for things which I regretted doing, and what I thought had been my REAL screw-ups were not even mentioned. I was befuddled when I was given the written version. On the outside of the envelope, my supervisor had written a note to the effect of, "I will meet with you at XXX on XXX to discuss your performance and a project I have in mind for you." Just by that, I knew she was trying to soften the blow before I saw the clobbering she gave me on record.

Apparently I am a team player and have a great attitude, but people find me intimidating and I need to work on how I am perceived by "others." I have exhibited poor time management a few times over the past six months too. I know this is the handiwork of Hindley, my nemesis. But I couldn't very well walk in to my supervisor's office and say, "Hindley is out to get me!" So I bravely pulled myself together and rolled with it, all the while plotting my revenge. Which, as it turns out, will be sweet.

First, I assured my supervisor that I had re-committed myself to a higher level of productivity going forward. I showed her my day planner, in which I had conveniently jotted down several dozen goals and tasks. I asked for some clarification as to my intimidating demeanor and pointed out that while I would take a hard look at myself and would actively pursue ways to improve my communication style, there were a few factors that I felt had been overlooked. For sure: In my business, EVERYBODY has to be in control of situations, intimidation is many times necessary, and I am by far not as intimidating as pretty much anyone else in my office. I mentioned a few other things, but admitted privately that there is not much I can do now, since I failed to properly advocate for myself when I knew that someone was whispering untrue things in my boss's ear.

I swear. If I were a man, we would not have had this conversation. I would greatly prefer to not even have to work so I could be the sweet, unassuming, domesticated model of womanly grace that I was meant to be. But I have a job to do and I have been doing it. I had to force myself to adjust my personality to the job so I wouldn't lose the damn thing. Sigh. Supervisors never see the whole picture. They are only human, I guess.

Ah yes. To Hindley's horror, I will be starting a new project that will improve our organization and my emotional stability. I am being groomed to take over the job of one of my other bosses (who I absolutely love) when he retires in the next few years or so. He has already been giving me responsibilities and I have been ever too
enthusiastic to take them on, just because I enjoy working with him and admire what he does. But what an opportunity! A chance to really make a difference in my organization and produce some growth! Hindley will be terribly disappointed because it was assumed that the job would fall to her eventually. Apparently she just doesn't have what it takes.

1 comment:

UltraCrepidarian said...

One of the ways to "fail to be a team player" is to have an idiot boss.

It sounds to me like they have no clue what they're doing. If you felt you failed somewhere, and they praised you for it, I think that's just comic. Priceless.

It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George decides to do the opposite of what his apparently-completely-flawed intuition tells him to do.