Sunday, May 27, 2007

I love potato chips. Especially free potato chips.

Lovely Memorial Day weekend. Three BBQs in three days, and I have not really found many healthy foods to eat at any of them. I did bring a pineapple along today, sliced it up and threw it on, begging my host to keep it clear of the hot dogs and meat patties. I guess I'm not much of a vegan lately because I know the pasta salad probably wasn't vegan. I've been cheating a lot lately as a matter of fact. I ate lots of potato chips.

As I lean back in my chair tonight, I look at my protruding belly, full of chips and pasta. I feel like I can see some love handles starting to form or something. Kind of makes me sick. This has got to stop somewhere. Do chips really make a person's belly look pregnant? I'm no doctor, that's for sure. But I wonder. After just three days of pigging out on them?

See, that's what I love so much about the simple vegan diet. For me, it's taken all anxiety out of my relationship to food because I needn't worry about how much I eat or whether or not I want to go for a run when it's over 100 out there. But when I get lazy and just eat whatever vegetarian thing is around, I do find myself getting annoyed at my size. It's financial. I don't have many clothes, and I can't stand wearing anything tight. So if I gain weight, I would need more clothes. But I don't have the money for new clothes. Or even used clothes. So I just cannot gain weight!

But it's the times when I've been filling myself up with all this crap that I crave MORE. I want some potato chips right now! And some pasta salad too! I'd like to finish it all off with some chocolate too.

I think that would be the best part about being Muslim, if I were. I wouldn't have to bother with how I looked in the least. Our culture places such emphasis on women's attractiveness, I wouldn't mind it if men were forced to be a bit more thoughtful when deciding how attracted he is to a woman.

I saw a news story this morning about women getting vaginal or labial "reconstructive" plastic surgery. It made me feel so sad for us women. Why do we torture ourselves so? Much of the time, people are getting this procedure done because they have had children. So much for being able to expect your man to love your body before and after you give him a child. I have an idea. Since our natural bodies are so fucking disgusting after childbirth, why don't we all decide not to have any babies?
Men can just find some other way furnish themselves with heirs, we won't have to go through an uncomfortable pregnancy, we won't have to hate ourselves for having ugly natural bodies, and we won't have to pay for a ridiculous, maybe even dangerous surgery.

I know that would never happen, but it's fun to dream. But again. We women give these unrealistic expectations credibility when we participate in the "competition" by undergoing these procedures. We wonder why we all have low self esteem?

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