Friday, July 27, 2007

More bitching about people with kids

Lately I have noticed that I do not have the time to be everything to everyone. I am expected to do things for friends and family, but I wouldn't DARE try to tear someone away from their family to help me out.

The most irksome expectation by far, has got to be birthday and holiday gifts for friends' and family members' kids. WHY do they do this to those of us who are single? Do they think we don't have anything better to spend our time and money on? Surely some of this is my fault. I love babies, and of course would love to have one myself. If there were any suitable candidates for role as the father... but that doesn't mean I am IN LOVE with the baby. I suspect that some feel almost benevolent when they recount the story about how their kid pooped on the floor or how the kid ate dog food and they got a HILARIOUS picture of it, haven't I checked my email?

Speaking of email. Every week I receive five or six emails with photos attached. I never open them. I wait until someone asks me if I've seen the pictures, and say, "Oh, I haven't had a chance to look, are they cute? Tell me all about them." That way, I don't have to bother.

I am completely sick of spending money on other people's kids. I can't find a good way to break it to people that I no longer want to buy gifts for them. I'm the youngest, so I grew up expecting that my birthday would be celebrated on a large scale. But as my siblings had kids, all that went away. My friends, one by one, stopped recognizing my birthday once they had kids too. I just don't get it. I still recognize their birthdays. Why doesn't anyone recognize mine? I know that sounds bratty. Too bad. I know I'm not the only one who gets annoyed by this selfishness on behalf of one's offspring.

It sounds mean but it never ceases to amaze me how drastically someone changes when their first child is born. In the blink of an eye, they forget that they were merciless they were in their ridicule of other people who were deluded about how cute, intelligent, talented or well-behaved their children were. I find that I have nobody to chuckle with anymore. Most or all of my friends have become this parent-zombie.

Another PITA is when friends bring their kids along on shopping days. The husbands are never doing a damn thing except sitting around, fiddling in the garage. But oh no, can't leave the kids home with him! So we spend half the time bribing the kid to be good. Usually the idiotic mother (yes, my friend) plies the kid with sugary treats, which makes the kid act even worse. So the other half of the time is spent in the restroom going deaf while the kid screams bloody murder because he was asked not to play inside the racks of clothes with his sticky fingers and snot-drenched face.

I need to make new friends or have a kid. And from now on, I'm only going to buy gifts for single people with no kids.

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