Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Stubborn resistance to "staying in the present"

Marty asked if I've been out on any dates in the past couple of weeks and was visibly annoyed when I said that I had not.

Why do therapists dole out assignments that aren't as easy as running over to the B&N self help section and flipping through a book? Even if I WANTED to find someone to see, am I supposed to just walk up to somebody and ask him out? Sheesh. Why should I waste my time on someone I'm probably not even interested in? Furthermore, I do quite like my uncomplicated life and I am decidedly against getting myself involved with anyone right now. I said as much to Marty. He explained that it was not about finding someone "interesting," or getting into a relationship, it was about the experience.

Men just don't understand. Everybody I know (women, that is) is pretty well conscious of what they think a future with their prospective dates will be like. Sometimes we kid ourselves by thinking everything will be beautiful and the guy is perfect. That's why our marriages don't work out. That's my theory, anyway. Marty disagrees. He thinks I'm the only one who does that, and what's more, I need to stay in "now," rather than the future. Does that mean I don't have to pay for car insurance until I get in a wreck? No, but how am I supposed to know what I am supposed to deliberately ignore?

So I guess if I want to move on in counseling, I have to find someone around here to go out with. Since X left, I've been out on one date. Quel mistake!

I could go on a blind date. According to friends, there are plenty of "great" guys they could "set me up" with. Still, it doesn't seem right, only meeting a person because your therapist prescribes it.


NewsCat said...

Worst thing people tell me "oh you always find someone when your not looking them."

Ugh...I've been looking/not looking for over a decade now and I find I don't even get dates unless I'm on active patrol, working craigslist, going to parties, trying personal ads. It's like, work, to find a real date.

mental hygiene said...

Yeah, I've been thinking about how far I'd ever go. One of our local tv stations has some dating "show" in which people who have posted a profile on their website are brought to the set and interviewed. Talk about brave. I can see it now.. "Hi Bob, I'm MH. I have a 16 yr old cat, Ivana, I enjoy working and... working. I am looking for a guy who... works.... I'm sorry to be so brutal, since I'm obviously a desperate individual- I'll settle for part-time or even if his mom just gives him a monthly stipend... If that's ok. If not, I have no problem paying for all of our entertainment since I am clearly in need of a man...."