Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Bad haircut, bad skin, shameful tax preparation

Sometimes when things need to get done, I become completely useless, kind of like the way X was ALL the time. I can't seem to do anything right. Of course I wait until the last day to do taxes, and I made the mistake of using Turbo Tax instead of going early to an accountant. So now I owe the government lots of money.

I guess when you don't own a home and you don't have any kids, you have to pay more than everybody else. I have a huge problem with that. I don't agree with people getting REWARDED by the government for having kids. We should be rewarded for NOT having kids. I ought to be getting thousands of dollars every year for not producing more people to clog up our overcrowded school or prison system. Just think. Everybody who is in prison was a tax credit for their parents. Now they are a burden to the system in another way. I think that I ought to get a tax break for being female. Women HAVE to spend money in order to assimilate ourselves into society. If society didn't expect us to eliminate hair from our bodies, we'd save LOTS of cash every year. One year, I spent $600 on laser treatments, and that was only on one area. What a PITA.

Enough about taxes, it's too depressing.

I know! I'll record the first thought that went through my mind when I saw the haircut I gave myself in preparation for my interview tomorrow: "You are so fucked." That's right. I really did it this time. I was trying to save money, but all I succeeded in doing was assuring myself my current position for the rest of my life. I asked a friend of mine to tell me the easiest way to trim my hair. Being a stylist, she offered to come over and just do it for me. I was sure that it wouldn't be necessary, plus I know what that would turn into. This particular friend is one of those girls who likes to "try out" new bars every so often, presumably because she sleeps with the regulars at a bar and once they all figure out that she's sleeping with all of them, nobody wants to talk to her anymore. So I know that she would say, "MH, why don't we go for a drink?" No thanks. I can't stand going to bars with my slutty friends because it only makes my excessive prudishness that much more conspicuous. So my friend just gave me some quick tips: separate your hair into equal sections, make sure that the sections across from each other are even, and always cut a straight line. I thought I followed her directions just fine, but now my head looks like Anasazi ruins. I have been trying to decide whether or not I'll give myself a facial tonight, but the way things are going today, I'll end up burning the hell out of my skin.

Tomorrow will come and go, and who knows what is going to happen? It's probably a waste of time to stress out. 12 hours from now, I'll be finished with those annoying questions like, "Name a situation in which you would have done something different." or "Talk about a time you faced your fears." I can't stand questions like that.

Today while I was fighting my way through rush-hour traffic, I began to notice everybody's nice cars. How do these people afford brand new beautiful cars? I can't even afford to save up a little down-payment for a studio condo next to the airport. I sometimes wish I could be a teenager again. Ignorance is bliss.

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