Thursday, October 4, 2007

Wal-Mart is Hell on Earth

It has been awhile since a stranger has pissed me off to the point of juvenile retaliation. But of course it was bound to happen. I was at Wal-Mart.

I know. I shouldn't have been at Wal-Mart in the first place. But it was the only place I knew of to get my new couch/guest bed, but I'll talk about that later. Right now, it will suffice to say that after spending over an hour in there, I was ready to rip somebody's head off. People are SO RUDE. Here is what I hate about Wal-Mart:
-Parking lot is dirty and full of litter. Nobody ever bothers to pick up any of the litter either. It just gets driven over time and time again until completely flat and barely noticeable, as it is as black as the asphalt. The inside of the store is just as bad, only the garbage in there collects dust, hair and bugs.

-The carts are gooey, nasty old rickety broken down jalopies.
I DARE anyone to TRY and find one that doesn't have a broken wheel that grinds itself into the floor every time it's pushed.

-The customers (besides me, of course) are all in their pajamas and slippers. They loaf around as if it's the only building in the city with air conditioning and they bring their twenty kids with them to enjoy it. They like to return things, because there is always a line half a block long at the customer service area- which contains dozens of carts full of what can only be assumed are returned items that will go right back out to the shelves.

-Also, the other shoppers do NOT know which side of the aisle to walk on, and they usually feel it necessary to take up the whole aisle when they are stationary. It makes getting around pretty much impossible for those of us who actually have things to do besides loaf around at Wal-Mart all day long. I realize that many people don't have anything to do. I'm not one of them and they piss me off immeasurably.

-The employees are also unaware that having manners makes things easier for everyone. They zoom around, hoping to God that nobody tries to stop them to ask a question. They barrel out of aisles into the main pathways without looking. Screw anyone who might be walking towards them. They don't have to wait for mere customers, dammit.

....I can't stand walking around with a stupid cart, having to go AROUND these lazy people and almost colliding with a few of their twenty screaming, jumping, running kids.

-They also pick their noses and cough into crowds. I'm the only one who cringes inside when I'm coughed at! Do the other people want to get sick or something? It's not like they have jobs to call in sick to. Well come to think of it, it's not a bad idea to let someone cough on you once in awhile. That way you can call in sick.

So. I paid for my cartload of useless albeit cheap stuff and found my car. I'd deliberately parked pretty far up the lot because I know what happens to cars parked close to the front at Wal-Mart. As I approached, I noticed a brand new truck next to my car. It was parked on an angle, and somehow the driver had managed to actually block me in! I was going to have to try to maneuver my car back and forth a few times, just to get out of my space. That fucker! I thought. It figures.

I contemplated my options. I could deal with it and drive away, forgetting all about it within five minutes. I could key the brand new truck, seeing as how the owner deserves it. But that idea was discarded since I already somehow have lots of bad karma, from where it came I do not know. I don't want to go to hell, but it looks like I've done something pretty bad to deserve ending up at Wal-Mart, so maybe I'm already being punished. Anyway, I decided to do something else. I wrote a quick note and placed it under the windshield wiper. Then I parked my cart DIRECTLY behind the ugly truck. My note read:

"Hey ASSHOLE, thanks for blocking me in with your BAD parking job. You probably didn't care that I have to ruin my fucking transmission in order to get out of this space. I considered keying your ugly truck, but decided to be NICE today, and I'll just leave this gooey old cart in your way so you don't forget what might happen NEXT time you go to Wal-Mart. I'll be looking for you."

As I finally drove away, I saw a woman go up to the cart and grab it, giving me a dirty look. She probably didn't notice the note until later. She probably figured I was thoughtless and rude. Of course that's just not true. I'm not thoughtless.

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