It's Yours

I know only a handful of people take a minute each day to check out my uneventful life. And I thank you. And I do wonder about you and your lives.

But, on to the newest development in my quest for something.

I received a call from the escrow or title person this morning. "I didn't see ______ paper, explaining _____ so I need you to sign and fax back to me. Don't worry, everything is recorded."

Recorded? That must mean it is official.

Congratulations. That's what the title lady said. "I could see you being on one of those HGTV shows. It would be the perfect house. They take $500 and do the most amazing things."

I need much more than $500, that's for sure.

Seller called me several times this morning. I'll tell you all about her later. But she is the neatest lady. Leaving some stuff for me like the lawn mower and some tools and some quilting fabric. Seller is the cutest little old lady EVER. She is super talented. She has been in a garden club for 60 YEARS and she is leaving all of her bulbs to ME! I told my aunt. She is coming down to make sure I know what to do with them.

She called me three times today. First, to thank me for the card. I brought one to the closing thinking she woud be there, but gave it to the title lady when I found out Seller was at home. Titlelady gave the card to her. Seller is finally getting excited to move into her new apartment, where she will probably have a dishwasher and lots of friends. She doesn't need that lawnmower, and wanted me to know that I don't need to get one. She is the sweetest. In my note to her, I said that if she ever wanted to come back to the house, she just needs to let me know. I'll come and pick her up! Because she is the cutest little old lady in the world. What do we think of when we think of an old lady? We think of someone who gardens, quilts, cans, sews, crochets and bakes, right? Right.

Well, Seller is all that and more. I truly respect her as a woman. She raised her children and took care of her husband. She maintained that house until her kids forced her out. And you know what? I'm going to invite her right back in.

Papers signed. Is that it?

I said to my broker this morning, "So what's next?"
"Move."
"But I only signed my name about 50 times. Aren't there any more papers or notices solidifying the case that this whole thing is all my fault and nobody else's?"
"Nope. You just start moving in."


It's not as simple as all that. Seller can't move for another week. I haven't even given the landlord notice because you just never know what can happen.

Wow. Homeowner. MH. My poor little old brain has been working overtime. Not only are there the normal things to think about, it also has to contemplate such important thoughts such as, "Can Kitty walk on the asbestos flooring?" or "What color should I paint the kitchen cabinets?" When it ought to be pondering questions like, "How am I going to pay this f-ing mortgage?" and "Do I really NEED gas, electricity and water?"

First thing I did was call my brother. "You are talking to a HOMEOWNER," I bragged.
"Hey that's great MH. Are you done? My truck is in the shop and I'm tired of sitting around here."
"Good, I'll come pick you up and we can go to IKEA."
"Do you REALLY think this is a good time to be spending any money?"
"I'm only going to look!"
"Yeah right."

Later, on my way to play Scrabble I called my sister. "You are talking to a HOMEOWNER," I chirped.
"Oh, nothing, having a beer with Amber. I got off early today and I decided I wanted a beer so here I am, I don't care what anybody says."
"SISTER. I didn't ASK you what you were DOING. I SAID I'm a HOMEOWNER."
"Oh. Good. Did you work today?"
"No. I signed papers all day. And packed stuff up to MOVE."
"Oh. I have worked for almost 7 days STRAIGHT! I'm butt-ass tired, you know?"
Sigh.

SOME people were happy for me. Dang! I've spent my whole adult life acting like I give a crap when all of these assholes get houses, cars, babies, married, divorced, or operated on. Is it too much to ask to get a little bit of that back? I don't expect anyone to ACTUALLY CARE, just pretend as much. Sheesh!

Getting ready for the big move

I guess I was wrong, we aren't closing until next week. Sigh.

But I've been busy sorting. Yesterday I loaded up the car with items and donated them to the ASPCA Thrift Store.

It felt wonderful to get rid of some of this crap I've been hanging on to for no good reason. Mostly clothes I know I'll never wear again, due to my advanced age and decreased motivation to get off my buns. At long last, I liberated myself of those damn wedding dresses that have stubbornly held some quixotic sentimentality lurking in the depths of my psyche. But the new MH, pragmatic in all thoughts and behaviors, took one look at the big old box yesterday and heaved it right into the trunk of my little economy car. And dragging it in to the thrift shop was nothing more than a task checked off my list of things to get done.

I welcome more days like yesterday.

My new kitchen

As soon as I close on my new house! If I didn't have to work so early in the morning, I'd love to talk about this whole process of buying a home. But It's not over yet. We close next week. Then a week later, I'll be moving.

The current owner is the sweetest old lady ever, and she let me come over to take a picture of the kitchen. My first project will be restoring the tile. X taught me how to do that, but honestly, it's easier than making a cake from a box.

Wal-Mart is Hell on Earth

It has been awhile since a stranger has pissed me off to the point of juvenile retaliation. But of course it was bound to happen. I was at Wal-Mart.

I know. I shouldn't have been at Wal-Mart in the first place. But it was the only place I knew of to get my new couch/guest bed, but I'll talk about that later. Right now, it will suffice to say that after spending over an hour in there, I was ready to rip somebody's head off. People are SO RUDE. Here is what I hate about Wal-Mart:
-Parking lot is dirty and full of litter. Nobody ever bothers to pick up any of the litter either. It just gets driven over time and time again until completely flat and barely noticeable, as it is as black as the asphalt. The inside of the store is just as bad, only the garbage in there collects dust, hair and bugs.

-The carts are gooey, nasty old rickety broken down jalopies.
I DARE anyone to TRY and find one that doesn't have a broken wheel that grinds itself into the floor every time it's pushed.

-The customers (besides me, of course) are all in their pajamas and slippers. They loaf around as if it's the only building in the city with air conditioning and they bring their twenty kids with them to enjoy it. They like to return things, because there is always a line half a block long at the customer service area- which contains dozens of carts full of what can only be assumed are returned items that will go right back out to the shelves.

-Also, the other shoppers do NOT know which side of the aisle to walk on, and they usually feel it necessary to take up the whole aisle when they are stationary. It makes getting around pretty much impossible for those of us who actually have things to do besides loaf around at Wal-Mart all day long. I realize that many people don't have anything to do. I'm not one of them and they piss me off immeasurably.

-The employees are also unaware that having manners makes things easier for everyone. They zoom around, hoping to God that nobody tries to stop them to ask a question. They barrel out of aisles into the main pathways without looking. Screw anyone who might be walking towards them. They don't have to wait for mere customers, dammit.

....I can't stand walking around with a stupid cart, having to go AROUND these lazy people and almost colliding with a few of their twenty screaming, jumping, running kids.

-They also pick their noses and cough into crowds. I'm the only one who cringes inside when I'm coughed at! Do the other people want to get sick or something? It's not like they have jobs to call in sick to. Well come to think of it, it's not a bad idea to let someone cough on you once in awhile. That way you can call in sick.

So. I paid for my cartload of useless albeit cheap stuff and found my car. I'd deliberately parked pretty far up the lot because I know what happens to cars parked close to the front at Wal-Mart. As I approached, I noticed a brand new truck next to my car. It was parked on an angle, and somehow the driver had managed to actually block me in! I was going to have to try to maneuver my car back and forth a few times, just to get out of my space. That fucker! I thought. It figures.

I contemplated my options. I could deal with it and drive away, forgetting all about it within five minutes. I could key the brand new truck, seeing as how the owner deserves it. But that idea was discarded since I already somehow have lots of bad karma, from where it came I do not know. I don't want to go to hell, but it looks like I've done something pretty bad to deserve ending up at Wal-Mart, so maybe I'm already being punished. Anyway, I decided to do something else. I wrote a quick note and placed it under the windshield wiper. Then I parked my cart DIRECTLY behind the ugly truck. My note read:

"Hey ASSHOLE, thanks for blocking me in with your BAD parking job. You probably didn't care that I have to ruin my fucking transmission in order to get out of this space. I considered keying your ugly truck, but decided to be NICE today, and I'll just leave this gooey old cart in your way so you don't forget what might happen NEXT time you go to Wal-Mart. I'll be looking for you."

As I finally drove away, I saw a woman go up to the cart and grab it, giving me a dirty look. She probably didn't notice the note until later. She probably figured I was thoughtless and rude. Of course that's just not true. I'm not thoughtless.