Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Why I hate myself today...

I have a suggestion for the CIA if they want to torture people without getting in trouble for it. This form of torture would also be good for any type of sadistic power assertive type of men who want to inflict pain on all sorts of levels, but would prefer to stay out of jail.

This is WAXING. Specifically waxing in places that have NERVE ENDINGS everywhere!

During typical lunchtime girl-talk, it was suggested to me that a BRAZILIAN would be the answer to my ire of shaving. I have been depressed somewhat over these many months because Heracles is gone, but I have enjoyed a certain vacation from shaving! I love not shaving. I don't care what it looks like down there, I don't look and life is easy!

But as is typical of men these days, Heracles really believes women are pretty much hairless. We can debate all day long about why/how/when they ALL started believing this bullshittery, but it's happened. We women are no better. Such competition for man's favor has caused us to buy in as well.

I asked if getting waxes hurts. All three of my companions chuckled and affirmed that it hurts "at first" but over time it "gets better." Hmmmm. I guess it can't be that bad since everyone does it, riiiiight???? WRONG. Read on.

I arrived at the salon, nervously scoping out the gays on staff. That's a very efficient way to deduce the level of bitchiness present in the atmosphere towards customers. Luckily the gay guy was NOT a bitch. The waxing technician (is that what they are?) was professional, kindly, and I liked her immediately. I thought, oh this will be a breeze. Nice clean salon. Nice people. I'm going to be glad I did this just like everyone says!

So I have no complaints about the technician or the salon.

My complaint is about the torture. Someone might say, well you must have hairs with tree-stump-like roots. That might be true. There is that possibility. Guess what. It's still torture. With all of our wonderful technology today, is it possible that someone would give a crap enough about the pain and indignities women are expected to endure, and invent some INEXPENSIVE, relatively pain-free and long-lasting way to remove that undesirable natural occurrence? Of course not, nobody gives a fuck. Eh, it's only women.

There I was, thinking such thoughts as I displayed my cold naked hairy butt for the procedure. Why??? I asked myself. I couldn't furnish an answer but of course it got worse. The tugging and ripping of the tree stumps around the most sensitive part of my body. And I'm paying for this?!

Just goes to show how stupid we are. We women who engage in this masochism are totally fucked. We can't STOP the hair removal/ripping out/laser, et al because we wouldn't be able to attract or keep a man. So we PAY for torture.

Like I said before. If the CIA wants to engage in torture, nobody can say anything to them about it if they start waxing Taliban balls because American citizens PAY for it. And don't use the hard wax, use the SOFT wax! Yeah! Post it on Youtbe. The evil killers would be there, just like ME, on all fours, humiliated and wondering how fuck they got there?

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