A move is imminent, but to where?

According to friends, I ought to be able to stay in my house for another few months at least. I'm not going anywhere until the house is sold and the new owner comes knocking, because no way am I going to let the lawn get overgrown and the windows knocked out and crack heads smoking it up in here.

I plan on saving as much money as possible. It is only this week that I have been able to catch up on my other bills, however. My car's mechanical problems and then my BANK, deliberately withholding my direct deposit paycheck for an extra day (resulting in over $500 of 'nsf' charges) has caused an avalanche of financial roadblocks. A few weeks ago, I set it up through online billpay for my bills to be taken care of on Friday. I get paid on Thursday. Well, my BANK's software saw an opportunity! How about we hold the check for one extra day before releasing it into the account???? That way we can charge 12 nsf fees PLUS some other charges, the nature of which still confuses me. At $38 each, that really hurt. I called the bank but they were uncooperative, sort of like, "we have you by the balls, and we LIKE it."

But today I am finally back to where I should have been. It is all about saving money from here on out and that makes me feel much better. By the time I need to move, I'll be able to get a nice place. If I don't get laid off, which is always a possibility.

On the Heracles front, we have had some developments. Heracles has no idea that I'm losing my house. First of all, it isn't any of his business. Second of all, and the REAL truth, is that I'm just ashamed and I think he'll dump me as soon as he finds out. Gradually, that fear has faded because we don't seem to have much of a relationship anyhow. We do live a couple thousand miles from each other... so how much is there to lose?

But Heracles had a job interview in another state. He isn't like me. Because of his intelligence, skills, imagination, education, credentials and general BRILLIANCE and PERFECTION, he is one of those rare people who will call the shots even though he is technically the interviewee. He decided that he might take this job, which happens to be in yet a third state.

And that's apparently where I come in. Heracles thinks I ought to move there too. He doesn't understand that I am not in a position to look for jobs anywhere. I would love to move somewhere to be near Heracles, but it's just not possible. It isn't as if he is going to ask me to marry him, which would definitely resolve the situation for me. Of course, since I am the FEMALE, I can't go and ask HIM, now can I?

I wonder what his vision of life in this beautiful third state will be like. It is probably something like this: We have matching apartments in different complexes a couple of miles apart. We see each other four nights a week at Heracles' more comfortable (for him) apt, entertaining ourselves (Heracles) a with stupid slapstick sophomoric thirteen year old boy-humored movie, followed by a half hour of sex matching the objectifying, demeaning, boob jiggling sex in said movie. MH leaves as soon as Heracles' alarm goes off the next morning. Throw in a stress-relieving massage for Heracles every other night or so, and the picture is complete.

Here is what the reality would be: MH moves to Third State, finds a shitty apartment near Heracles' luxury apt, and struggles to find a job. Her money runs out, but Heracles doesn't know it because he would be very disappointed in MH for mishandling her money in such a way. MH finally takes an asst manager job at McDonald's and the acne sets in, rendering her even LESS attractive than before. Heracles feels relieved that he dodged that bullet a couple weeks ago when MH timidly broached the topic of marriage and a family to go with the dog he gave her for Christmas a few years back. He congratulates himself for pretending that he was very busy and didn't have time for this uncomfortable conversation. Things go downhill from there. Third State is full of HOT women! Who knew??? Time to shake off this miserable aging wretch MH, who can't seem to find a decent job and just moved to a STUDIO for fuck's sake.

So I'm thinking I won't be moving to Third State.