Saturday, December 12, 2009

Here it comes

I work all weekend every weekend. I don't have a chance to go to garage sales but that is what I would do if I didn't have to work. So there you have it. Why would a person rather be skulking around garage sales instead of hitting up pottery barn? I don't know! But that's how it is! Perhaps it is all about the mystery and the unexpected rather than the bleeeeeeh yeah that's cool but terribly overpriced.

Anyway it doesn't matter because I don't frequent either of those. I was just sayin' -as tmz would say.

As I was hard at work yesterday, my phone rang. It happened to be from a number that I did not recognize. I figured it was the wrong number.

This morning my phone rang again from the SAME number! I thought it might be some family member or friend who has suddenly moved, so this time I was sure to answer it. But before I even had a chance to say hello, I heard a LOUD, OBNOXIOUS ding dong and then "This is Suntrust Mortgage....." you know the rest. If you don't, just read Grapes of Wrath and that will do you up just fine.

I steadfastly maintained my composure, but this is yet one more sign that the end is beginning.

Poor house. Do you realize that after all these years of being loved by your original owners, some trashy biatch moves in and all of a sudden, you go to shit?

Oh hell. I would like to apologize to the former owner, but seeing as how she is currently surviving in her high-priced assisted living facility on the hundreds of thousands that I have yet to pay, I feel like it will be best to just leave well enough alone. The fucking place was built for less than $15,000 after all. And actually I am glad that she is benefiting from my folly. She lived all through the eighties and nineties and aughts with no dishwasher so she deserves her due. And yes, I am living without a dishwasher too, but come to think of it, the last time I used a dishwasher I was in 11th grade and that was twenty years ago. So I guess that was a really shitty analogy.

Suffice it to say, I am a piece of dung. I can't take care of a home and I am broke and Suntrust has officially fucked me like I deserve to be fucked and soon this house will have broken windows and graffiti all over the place.


In other news, I sold two books on amazon! How sweet is that?


Anonymous said...
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mental hygiene said...

Hey all you spammers. I'm going to delete your stupid comments so don't bother posting them.
Do you honestly believe I can afford to invest in your Panamanian scam or your HAMP BS?? GET A JOB.