Sunday, June 22, 2008

Protecting the fragile male ego

Brother says I would be doing Outdoorsman a favor by telling him everything I can't stand about him. Friends are divided between 1. none of my concern what his problems are, and 2. try to be helpful without hurting his feelings.

Damn! Do men ever spare OUR feelings? No way. They either tell us what they can't stand about us, which is usually rooted in their unrealistic expectations based on pornography and pop culture, OR they just ignore us and we have no idea why we are being rejected, which is probably best anyway due to the former reason.

Anyhow I did my best to spare Outdoorsman's feelings.
First I tried the "We are not compatible" reason. Most of the time it's not a surprise because people can usually tell if they don't share goals or interests. But no, not Outdoorsman. "How aren't we compatible? I want to change! I'm ready to move on I just don't know which direction! I KNOW you are the one, what do I have to do?"

Next I tried using an example, like his recent purchase of a motorcycle. "Well I only got it so I could go to your house more often. I'll get rid of it tomorrow. It's gone!" I attempted to dissuade him. "Well, what if there happened to be a woman out there, younger and prettier even than me who wants to ride on the back of that thing? You can't deprive yourself of that! Come on now! No, I don't want you to get rid of something you really wanted, especially if it will save money on gas. You never know where you may have to go in the future." But nothing worked.

Finally I just told him "It's ME..... bla bla bla" all sorts of trumped-up things wrong with me. That was easier for him to swallow.

But he still cried for an hour straight. Is this normal?

We've only been seeing each other a couple of months and I can't figure out how I can be someone's "woman of my dreams" or how someone can be "completely nuts" about me when he doesn't know me all that well.

In order to get him to stop carrying on, I told him we can still see each other, but I am determined to see other people and that's final.

Over my protests, Outdoorsman willingly placed himself on the back burner by saying, "I'll wait as long as it takes. Do whatever you have to do."

I feel so mean but what else was I supposed to do? I didn't have time for a suicide threat. I had to work in the morning. Part of me thinks this is just another ploy men use to get us into bed. I'll have to ask my brother about that.

1 comment:

Lea said...

I have to say, something about your outdoorsman I found disturbing. You might want to read Signs of An Abusive Personality, just for the knowledge. You can do a search on the internet or find them on my site. I'm not saying this guy is abusive, but the signs are something everyone, men and women, should know and some of your descriptions of his behavior threw up flags for me. Good luck.