Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Closest thing I have to a relationship right now

I'm tired of dating.

I've been seeing a guy who seemed nice enough at first, but after dinner last night it is clear that we are just not soul mates.

Maybe I'm just a bitch, but I was amazed at the level of bullshit I was expected to swallow.
He is portly, but at the same time he talks for HOURS (no exaggeration there) about how ATHLETIC he is. He does NOT get out much anymore. Maybe 10 years ago, which is how old he was in all of the blown-up photos of himself he has framed and hung all over the place. Outdoorsman on a bike, Outdoorsman hanging off a mountain. He has hair on his head in all of these pictures. He also paints self-portraits, which are displayed along with the photos. In the self-portraits he has hair too.

Here is an example of our intriguing conversations:
Outdoorsman: Yeah, so that's how like to spend all my free time, seeing as how I'm such an athlete.... so you have never talked much about yourself, MH. What do you like to do for exercise?
MH: I enjoy running, mostly. I consider mowing the lawn exercise, but I don't enjoy that much. Have you ever been over to BlaBla Park? I love running there because there are so many different paths.
Outdoorsman: Oh, I can't run, I have a bad back, I have bla bla bla wrong with me and I can hardly sit most of the time, I kills me to work all day long. That's why I want to get out and do some more hiking because ( gives his sizable belly an affectionate round of paddles ) I need to work on this a bit, heh heh heh. Anyway, I was in such good shape when I was speed racing with one of my $20,000 bikes.
MH: Oh yeah, you've filled me in on that quite a lot....
Outdoorsman: Yeah, anyway I have this book of places to hike to and I want to hit every place in it. Just a sec, I'll get it.... Okay, I've been here here here and here. Oh this place has the most amazing view, and you can literally jump off a thirty foot cliff into the pool and oh this place I've been to a bunch of times...
MH: Wait a minute, are you sure it's cool to jump off a thiry foot cliff when your vertebrae are about to crumble at any given time? That sounds quite dangerous.
Outdoorsman: Well, that was before my back was ruined in one of my other adventures, you see what happened was I was......

I can't stand it when people can't age with some amount of acceptance. We are all getting older and there isn't a damn thing we can do about it. Where are the men who understand that?

I'd also like to find a guy who doesn't need a roommate in order to eat.

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