Well, well, well.

My love, who has been too good for me these few ambiguous years, is facing a separation. Not from me, silly. His job. His contract is ending, and he has no prospects. Because I'm truly not as vindictive as I'd like to be, I soothed his fears that he would be left without health insurance.

I offered to add him to my health coverage as my domestic partner. After all, my gay friends are doing it. Yesterday offered an opportunity to discuss my options with my health coverage provider, as a representative appeared to make a presentation about my employer's NEW and EXCITING HIGH DEDUCTIBLE plan. Whaaaaaatev. I've learned that if my employer wants me to sign on for something, I better not even consider it. But I did ask which would be the best plan for me if I were to add my domestic partner to my coverage. Insurance guy looked at me as if I had suddenly been plucked out of Emerald City and thrown under Aunty Em's House. "I don't understand what you mean. You mean a spouse?"

"Sort of. Living together situation."
"No, that's not covered. You have to be lawfully married."
"Common law."
"Still has to be documented by shared accounts and a magistrate must sign off."
hmmmmmm. Is a shared Costco membership good enough?

"What's the magistrate sign?"
"Frankly, I wouldn't know. We just don't cover people when they only live together. They have to be lawfully married, according to the policy."
"Can you show me the policy?"
"I'd be happy to email it to you later on today."

And he did.
Rats, I thought. Heracles will be so worried when he finds out that he can't get some health coverage from me.

But theeeeeen I started wondering if this might be enough to push a man over the edge. As we all know, health benefits are a necessity! Obama hasn't been able to get all of us free health care yet, so if Heracles pulls a muscle or gets a concussion on his lovely brain, what will he do?

He'll pay full damn price, that's what he'll do.

But for an unlimited, time, all of this AND MORE could be HIS for the low low price of.... $26! Plus a ring of course.

I hadn't been so elated since the time I realized two pairs of spanx would allow my pants to zip without splitting apart entirely.

I explained the whole situation to Heracles, wrinkling my forehead and blinking confusedly, as if I still hardly understood it all myself. I observed, "And to think I still wouldn't be able to pass you off as my spouse if we were a lesbian couple! What is this world coming to? Lesbians are getting each other insured all over the place, but nooooo, not at Employer, because people have to be lawfully married. Almost makes me wonder if I should look for a more appropriate job for our lifestyle."

He offered some help: "Common law."
"Nope. I asked him all about that. Apparently you have to go to court for that too. It's pretty much LIKE being married. So that won't do."

I guess I could adopt him.
But honestly, If I needed a kid, I'd get myself pregnant. I'm over that phase.

Not sure what Heracles will do. Will he produce? Will he disappoint? All signs point to disappoint. He's meeting with insurance agents after work for the rest of the week.

Want cheap, extensive health care coverage? Run for Congress.

These elected officials are enjoying yet one more perk that they deem unnecessary for many of their constituents. Check out this excerpt at AlterNet of Practicing Medicine Without a License, a new book by Don Sloan, M.D.

There is an employee/insurance deal in the U.S. that includes unlimited doctor office visits of your choosing; covers all accidents, routine exams, physical therapy, labs and X-rays; and the like; unlimited hospital visits and stays; certain chronic care and rehab; full prescription coverage; and unlimited specialty consultations. For the employee and the entire family. There are no deductibles, no co-pays, and only a $35 monthly fee taken from an annual salary of $158 though. Thirty-five dollars!

The group awarded this insurance looks forward to a full pension and continued coverage until their deaths. Quite a few, most in fact, were millionaires before they took on their jobs that got them such a perk. Who gets this coverage? It would be nice if it were the underprivileged or the chronically ill and debilitated or our veterans.

But no. For starters, the 535 members of the U.S. Congress, and add to that the few hundred in the upper executive and judicial branches of government. They are also members of a demographic group where seven were arrested for shoplifting, nineteen for writing bad checks, and eighty-four for drunk driving. This bunch also has an overrepresentation of felony indictments, and a few ended up serving time.

I'm off to find my own copy of this intriguing read.