Thursday, January 7, 2010

Project Walk Away, 2010 : Fall-out predictions

In 2010, the occupants of this house will move. I am in the process of making a list of bottom line requirements for a long-term residence. The ideal place will be quiet, secure and clean. Not such a simple proposition, in this particular town!

In 2010, I will turn 37. This unremarkable milestone may go down as the year I trolled bars looking for sex, not because I like sex, but because I am nearing menopause. I can tell. My body is changing. Okay, I'm not brave enough to have sex with strange men, I'm a nerd of the first sort. So this year will more likely go down as the year I accepted my destiny as a childless woman. This year, I will probably begin to yearn for a yard again, so I can yell at any little kids who manage to steer their bikes off the sidewalk onto my pristine green turf. Ah, what wonders the future holds!

In 2010, Heracles will dump me. He wasn't serious about this relationship anyway, he considers himself much too exquisite to entangle himself in emotional connections with females. Unmarried females try to rob men of their cherished sperm. One must always be on his watch. Heracles is smart, because I would have been guilty of doing just that, except I've always been too scared to have kids without a good man around who I knew wanted them with me. Who wants to go through all that only to have some little bastard blaming YOU for all their problems. No thanks. But if I WEREN'T so scared, Heracles would be right on, I have to admit. Anyway, Heracles is also a paranoid mess and has a grave mistrust of anyone who commits such a felonious act such as ruining their credit. So when Heracles finds out that I have to move because my house is getting foreclosed, he will be forced to distance himself from this sleazy ho.

In 2010, I will learn the true value of independence. I have been independent most of my life, but I never saw the value in it. I have always wanted a good man around. To my disappointment, I never found one. I probably don't know what to look for anyway. So this year, I am going to LEARN how NICE it is to be a WOMAN who does not NEED a man around for anything. I will not have a house with all sorts of maintenance issues that are mysterious and complicated. I will make sure I have a LIFE that I alone can manage by myself!

In 2010, I will simplify my life for the very first time. I will liquidate every tangible item in my possession which I don't USE. I will sell it or donate it or give it all away.

By the end of 2010, I will be able to pay my bills and for once, I will be able to save money.

I will face my forties alone and most importantly, I will face them content.

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