Sunday, March 2, 2008

FOAF loses his nomination

Poor FOAF finally had his last stand the other night. A relative of mine was visiting with her fiance and we met up with Brother at a nice restaurant/bar uptown. Brother decided to invite FOAF, and I was well into my second apple martini when he strutted through the door and to our table.

FOAF plopped himself down right next to me, ordered the exact same item as an entree as I had, and immediately commenced impressing all of us with his unending wisdom, procured from places including but not limited to AM talk radio and Anthony Robbins seminars. Sigh. I attempted to steer the conversation to something I could feign interest in, like his family. "So FOAF. Do you have any children?" was the fateful question.

The poor man heaved a nervous breath and came out with the hard truth, almost too matter-of-factly for my taste. But then again what else could he be expected to do, HIDE the fact that he has FIVE kids by THREE different women, the two youngest being the SAME age and of course borne to two of the respective women? One being the first baby-mama. So let's see if I can get this straignt. Had two kids with first wife. Had a kid with woman #2. Had sex with first wife and woman #3 at about the same time, producing two more kids. Of course I immediately ceased my line of questioning and went back to the virtues of Anthony Robbins.

I was as polite as a person could ever be, but of course the spark was gone, especially when he JABBED me with his finger in my kidney as we were all leaving! "Hey, had a great time," dude said. "Oh yes, thanks for coming, bla bla bla," I said while I icily glared at the offending finger.

Brother called me the next day, "Why were you so MEAN to FOAF? He's a nice guy!" I wasn't mean to him, to be sure. I'm just not interested. It's sad too, because secretly I was hoping I'd find someone to date regularly. But this just isn't the guy for me. Brother's heart is broken.

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