Who are you calling a bitter old hag?

No, it's okay. I have one cat right now. She isn't as bitter as I probably am. I'm feeding a little black feral kitten right now. I am well on my way to fulfilling my destiny.

Heracles blew into town last week. We had a few blissful days entertaining ourselves and each other in this fine desert weather. We took turns filming cute little short films of Minchie being her lovely little self. We ran errands. Heracles didn't make one complaint when I dragged him all across the valley trying to score a good deal on a microwave.

When did microwaves get so damned expensive? I thought they used to be $30 or so, but clearly I was wrong. I ended up spending $48 on a reconditioned GE at BigLots, thinking I'd found a kick ass deal. But when I got it home and tried it out, it got so hot on the outside I thought something might blow up or at the very least catch on fire.

They took it back without a fuss and I didn't even have to wait in line, which really shocked the hell out of me. Then I proceeded to hit WalMart, Macy's, Sears, JCPenny's, another WalMart just in case, a pawn shop ( wtf I was thinking there I cannot even recall), Anna's Linens, Bed Bath and Beyond and finally Target. Target did not have a white microwave for less than $100, so I had to get one with a black door and stainless steel shell. Bleh. I wanted white. But it was ONLY $45 on sale and it's the best microwave I saw for less than $80 or so! It was a good buy. Plus the parking lot wasn't gross like WalMart's was. I took it home and tried it out. Miraculously the outside stays pretty lukewarm, thanks be to God.

Still, I kind of wish I would have kept my micro/oven combo unit. It was a Whirlpool Gold model. The color wasn't gold, it was white. They ought to do something about the name of that model if you ask me. Anyway, that was such a great microwave! Sigh. Oh well I'm in a much better place now. I finally purchased my perfect stove, but that is all for my other blog, where I will soon post pics.

The point here is that Heracles braved all the WalMart frustrations and my inappropriate road rage episodes all day long for close to two days. He was terribly patient and encouraging when I was distressed that even though nobody has a job and stores can't unload their merchandise, they don't bother to mark anything down! Even BigLots was overpriced! Judas!

But as it happened, Heracles was about to experience something altogether different, which was not as easy for him to navigate. It all had to do with the serious uncomfortable TALK which was utterly necessary. I just had to know what his deal was with me. Did he love me or not?

Because come on. When you get to be my age, you don't want to mess around with men who don't know what they want. Well, Heracles doesn't know what he wants. He has to think about it. I believe that might translate to mean that he doesn't want me. So it is probably time for this ol' girl to hit the dusty trail. Or bite the dust. You know what I'm talking about. Pick myself up and dust myself off?

It's cold over here on the back burner

I am in my twilight dating years, and I'm sitting around waiting for Heracles to decide what he wants to do with me.

He knows he has all the power because AS A WOMAN, can I REALLY ask him to marry me? Hell no. I wonder if I'm not the one for him, because if I were, wouldn't he have done something to make our relationship more solidified in order to maintain it? But he didn't. He didn't do anything at all. He just moved and he continues to send me texts once or twice every day.

What does that mean? I'm not a veteran texter, so I can't know.

All I know is that Heracles has never told me he loves me. He has never said anything about a future with me.

He bought me a dog for Christmas last year, but I would be a total idiot to read anything into THAT. He'd only deny it.

It reminds me of Only Angels Have Wings, in which Cary Grant's tough guy will "never ask a woman" to do anything except give him a match.

So here I am with my dog, sitting around on the back burner, and friends are already asking me if I'm interested in meeting somebody they know. If I were to tell- I mean text- Heracles tomorrow that it's all over between us, I would probably still stand a chance of finding a husband for my life. I really do need a partner. Oh, and my brother told me that his attorney asked, "Hey man is your sister single?" Ha ha. Just what I need. Another brilliant man who thinks he's the absolute shit. I went from being married to a man who refused to do anything as cheap and dirty as work, to a man whose biggest desire in life is riches, and there seems to be no happy medium. I'm looking for that happy medium. I want a hard working man who isn't lazy or stupid, but doesn't measure his worth by how many millions he has either. A simple guy who cares about his family and his home. I'd be his family and I'd share his home.

I'm tired of being alone. I really am.

You can say what you want, but I don't like it anymore. I don't want to be alone when I get old. I don't want to die in some nursing home by myself, I probably would even if I have kids because kids don't give a shit either.

I am confused. Is it worth it to give Heracles the time he may require to decide whether he wants to spend his life with me or should I just ask him point blank what his plans are? I hate to scare the poor guy off but then again he isn't being very kind by keeping me on the back burner.