Protecting the fragile male ego

Brother says I would be doing Outdoorsman a favor by telling him everything I can't stand about him. Friends are divided between 1. none of my concern what his problems are, and 2. try to be helpful without hurting his feelings.

Damn! Do men ever spare OUR feelings? No way. They either tell us what they can't stand about us, which is usually rooted in their unrealistic expectations based on pornography and pop culture, OR they just ignore us and we have no idea why we are being rejected, which is probably best anyway due to the former reason.

Anyhow I did my best to spare Outdoorsman's feelings.

First I tried the "We are not compatible" reason. Most of the time it's not a surprise because people can usually tell if they don't share goals or interests. But no, not Outdoorsman. "How aren't we compatible? I want to change! I'm ready to move on I just don't know which direction! I KNOW you are the one, what do I have to do?"

Next I tried using an example, like his recent purchase of a motorcycle. "Well I only got it so I could go to your house more often. I'll get rid of it tomorrow. It's gone!" I attempted to dissuade him. "Well, what if there happened to be a woman out there, younger and prettier even than me who wants to ride on the back of that thing? You can't deprive yourself of that! Come on now! No, I don't want you to get rid of something you really wanted, especially if it will save money on gas. You never know where you may have to go in the future." But nothing worked.

Finally I just told him "It's ME..... bla bla bla" all sorts of trumped-up things wrong with me. That was easier for him to swallow.

But he still cried for an hour straight. Is this normal?

We've only been seeing each other a couple of months and I can't figure out how I can be someone's "woman of my dreams" or how someone can be "completely nuts" about me when he doesn't know me all that well.

In order to get him to stop carrying on, I told him we can still see each other, but I am determined to see other people and that's final.

Over my protests, Outdoorsman willingly placed himself on the back burner by saying, "I'll wait as long as it takes. Do whatever you have to do."

I feel so mean but what else was I supposed to do? I didn't have time for a suicide threat. I had to work in the morning. Part of me thinks this is just another ploy men use to get us into bed. I'll have to ask my brother about that.

FOAF gets personal

The other day this sacrificial sister was exposed to the mighty lion, but I escaped unharmed due to my finely honed survival skills. I made it through the meal/set-up neither embarrassing myself, nor making myself irrestistably funny or charming or sexy. I tried extra hard to counteract Brother's projections of me as a vulnerable simpleton who cannot take care of myself by changing the subject and asking FOAF about himself.

Of course, in reality I am extremely independent and I don't need anybody's help. But that's not how it looks when your brother is sitting there spewing tales of your ineptitude and misfortunes. What a big-mouth. Also, I have zero interest in FOAF's business, as I'm sure he has no interest in my inability to hook up a dvd player.

After the meal, I met a friend for some tooling around Scottsdale. I received a call from an unfamiliar number, and naturally assuming that some old bill collector had caught up with me, I let it go to VM. Later, I found that it was FOAF! Brother had GIVEN FOAF the sacrificial sister's PERSONAL phone number without asking permission AT ALL.

Anyway, FOAF had a great time at the meal, and wanted me to know that any of my unfinished home projects would each probably only take him about 10 minutes to complete, so I could call him at..... if I need any help.

One Sister For Sale

... who'll start the bidding


All to benefit the aforementioned SPUS.

Brother decided that I really need to go. And get a man, that is. Nevermind that I don't bother him at all! All I ever do is listen to his constant complaining about his woman and pay proper homage to his darling brood. But that's not good enough. I feel like one of those pathetic spinsters in a Thackeray or Trollope book. Or Hardy.

Phone convo yesterday:
Bro: Guess who I talked to today?
Me: Johnny Depp.
B: Grow up. FOAF! Yeah, I told him how cute you are, what a GOOD GIRL you are, what a good wife you were to that F-er, how smart you are and how he ought to meet you.
M: Why did you go and do that? You told him I'm cute? Are you trying to set me up for failure? Yeah, I was a good wife, wasn't I?
B: So he'll meet us for breakfast tomorrow but he wants a picture of you, send me one that isn't a wedding picture. He doesn't need to see one of those.
M: Well, why does he want a picture? That sucks, there has never been a good picture of me taken! Plus, I don't really like the way that sounds. What, I don't sound good enough as it is?
B: MHy-giene, you KNOW that guys want a good looking woman first, that's just how we are, don't worry about it. Just email me a picture.
M: No. If he wants to meet me he can just meet me. I'm not some cow up for auction. Didn't he offer to supply a picture?
B: You don't need a picture. Everybody knows women don't care about looks anyway. Isn't it enough that he has lots of money?
M: No. I think he's an asshole and I don't want to meet him anyway.
B: MH. So you are trying to make me look like a jackass, is that it? Fine, I don't care, just keep your stupid cat until she dies and get twenty more for all I care, you are going to be alone for the rest of your life! Is that what you want?
M: Hey, it's not such a bad thing. I'll find someone if I'm meant to, don't worry.
B: No you won't, and I won't know what to do. Don't ask MY kids to take care of you when you are 80.
M: I won't, and they won't have any of me and Kitty's money either!'
B: Just send me a picture.
M: No, he'll come to breakfast anyway if he's a decent guy.....


FOAF called Brother a half hour before we met this morning to say something came up.

B: Eh, don't worry about wearing a tight-fitting shirt. He's not coming.
M: Good, I didn't want to see him anyway.
B: See you there.

After breakfast, B called
B: When are you going to send me a pic, he keeps calling!
M: I'm not going to.
B: What's that site you used for your wedding pictures?
M: Oh, bla.com, why?
B: Just wondering.
(smal talk for a couple minutes about his business and how wonderful this business is or whatever)

B: HA! You idiot! It's so easy to get to your pictures.
M: Don't you dare steal any of my pictures.
B: Gotta go.

(Later)
B: FOAF called me. He said, "Why didn't you tell me your sister was so hot?" He's coming to breakfast next week, so you better get up early and take a shower.
M: Did you send a picture of me? You better not have. What's HE look like anyway?
B: Eh, does it matter? He has a little bit of a belly but that's no big deal, X wasn't all that great looking so you won't care.
M: YEAH I WILL! I'm not going to make myself vulnerable to someone who isn't good enough for me ever AGAIN! So if he's a dog, you will definitely look like a jackass, mmmmmkay?
B: Nope.

What am I going to do?

Papers signed. Is that it?

I said to my broker this morning, "So what's next?"
"Move."
"But I only signed my name about 50 times. Aren't there any more papers or notices solidifying the case that this whole thing is all my fault and nobody else's?"
"Nope. You just start moving in."


It's not as simple as all that. Seller can't move for another week. I haven't even given the landlord notice because you just never know what can happen.

Wow. Homeowner. MH. My poor little old brain has been working overtime. Not only are there the normal things to think about, it also has to contemplate such important thoughts such as, "Can Kitty walk on the asbestos flooring?" or "What color should I paint the kitchen cabinets?" When it ought to be pondering questions like, "How am I going to pay this f-ing mortgage?" and "Do I really NEED gas, electricity and water?"

First thing I did was call my brother. "You are talking to a HOMEOWNER," I bragged.
"Hey that's great MH. Are you done? My truck is in the shop and I'm tired of sitting around here."
"Good, I'll come pick you up and we can go to IKEA."
"Do you REALLY think this is a good time to be spending any money?"
"I'm only going to look!"
"Yeah right."

Later, on my way to play Scrabble I called my sister. "You are talking to a HOMEOWNER," I chirped.
"Oh, nothing, having a beer with Amber. I got off early today and I decided I wanted a beer so here I am, I don't care what anybody says."
"SISTER. I didn't ASK you what you were DOING. I SAID I'm a HOMEOWNER."
"Oh. Good. Did you work today?"
"No. I signed papers all day. And packed stuff up to MOVE."
"Oh. I have worked for almost 7 days STRAIGHT! I'm butt-ass tired, you know?"
Sigh.

SOME people were happy for me. Dang! I've spent my whole adult life acting like I give a crap when all of these assholes get houses, cars, babies, married, divorced, or operated on. Is it too much to ask to get a little bit of that back? I don't expect anyone to ACTUALLY CARE, just pretend as much. Sheesh!