Heracles oh Heracles

I had lunch with a friend today and we discussed a great many important things happening in our lives.

My friend, as is typical of pretty much everyone I know, is pregnant. Unusually, this is her first. I respect her so very much because she is around my age. I do wish I were just like her, though. Somehow, she has managed to get herself married and with child within the last few years. sigh! but! I am very happy for her and no amount of envy that I may feel towards that type of situation could ever detract from how wonderful I think life can be for people, especially for those who do whatever it is that they do, and what they do is 100% perfect so that is why they are living that 100% perfect life. So I am very happy for her and I love the fact that she is living her dream. She deserves it!

I am not always sure if I ought to have kids. With my history of traumatic experiences with luck or fate, I ought to leave well enough alone. But I have to say, sometimes all I want to do is nestle myself deep inside that lovely huge lovesac and embroider and knit until I have outfitted a household ready for an army of little brilliant scientists. And little MHes.

But then sometimes I worry that there will never be another unfortunate soul of my blood, good old MH- who did not receive the greatest education, never had any sort of positive role models, and certainly doesn't have her shit together any better than anyone 15 years younger.

I can't blame my parents because emulating them was not an option, due to my unending disdain. I can only blame myself. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been different if I had made different choices in different times. But now I realize that it doesn't matter any longer anyway. Lessons are sometimes learned too late.

Luring men into fatherhood never works, but if I were younger perhaps I would be a mother right now and I wouldn't give two farts what anyone thought about it. But stupid MH. I'm always concerned with my dignity, self-respect and of course, the respect of some other fucking idiot.

Confidentially, if Heracles were dumb enough to have sex with me unprotected, I'd most happily do my damnedest to get pregnant. I would. I would nurture any child I had at this advanced age, and I wouldn't have much urge to even notify any sperm supplier, especially if he had no desire to father my children!

I wouldn't expect child support. If a man doesn't want his child, why bother with the money aspect of it? It seems so backwards to me. I would think he should pay if he WANTS access to the child. Simple supply and demand.

Oh well. I will be childless. I can handle it because I am scared of it all anyhow. Mothering human beings is one of those truly thankless careers. We, as human females, want NOTHING more than to have children and take care of them, but somehow, as in so many other ways, my intended path never stuck with the main.

And that, my dears, is why I am sitting here right now, almost finished with a bottle of barely palatable CA merlot and wondering what the fuck I'm doing here worrying about being alone the rest of my life when I have a dog and a pension.

My new-mommied friend is now safe and happy at home with the child and of course the husband. Her latest email apologizes for not updating her baby blog, but she is very tired. She promises pictures and a full birthay recap soon.

I know just what to get new mommies and babies. I've probably given more shower/new baby gifts than anyone I've ever met. Single people with no kids really ought to get a tax break. Firstly, we are required to buy all sorts of freaking gifts for other people when they decide to reproduce. Secondly, we have to pay to educate everyone else's kids, even if the kids don't learn very much and cause problems at school. Of course, then we have to pay for them to spend time in juvenile detention. I look at it as being punished by the system for being responsible.




Anyhow, so here is a short list of gifts I've given in the past, in no special order:
1.Diapers. When I have a baby, I will use cloth diapers, but I don't know one person who actually does. Sad, isn't it? But everybody needs diapers. I always get three different sizes. Most people buy a bunch of newborn diapers. Well, don't do that. It's better to buy larger sizes, because babies GROW and if everyone bought newborn diapers, the parents would be stuck with a bunch of diapers they can't use.

2.A basket full of baby stuff such as wipes, stain remover, onesies from TARGET (soft, decent quality, great price), baby product coupons, etc ad nauseum..

3. Knit something. I have dozens of knitting books from the forties and fifties. I love making layette sets, but a nice, soft blanket is just as nice.



4. Clothes are great, but I like to buy one or two 3-6 months outfit and the rest 18, 24, and 2-T outfits. By the time a baby gets about a year old, people start running out of clothes to put on the kid, but MY gifts are still hanging around, waiting to be worn.

5. Gift Certificates to local restaurants that have delivery or take-out. People often say that delivery is best, but I tend to disagree. I think it gives one of the parents a chance to get out of the house for a few minutes, and it also increases the number of places you can order from. If they live in a small town, you can always call the restaurants directly, sometimes getting it taken care of over the phone. I use the internet for this gift, and I've had great responses. All of the major chain franchise restaurants have online menus. I stay away from Olive Garden because they charge a $4 "shipping" fee, and TGI Friday's is so stupid because they will only send the cards to YOU, and YOU have to send it to them! Screw that. So make sure you do your homework. Another great idea is getting a big bag of groceries delivered. Typically that is only possible in a large city. If you are going to send or get anything delivered, flowers should be the last option, because new parents are all about convenience!

6. Spa basket for the new mom. If you have the money, an in-home massage therapist is good. If you are going to give a GC to a spa, let it just be a certain amount, and don't specify what service will be rendered. Let the new mommy choose.