More of the same

Lately I have been preoccupied with my looming adjustment in housing, but along with that comes the presumed end of this relationship I've had with dear old Heracles.

Over the past year, my c.r. e dit s. core has been spoiled as a result of my missed mortgage payments. Even though that's the only aspect of the stupid credit report that drags the number down, it has been devastating to it. I don't even care because I see people survive without "credit" every day. The privileged class sees none of this, and they liken a person's credit record to their criminal record. In fact it seems to replace a criminal record in their estimation of a person's worth. That's because lots of people engage in driving while drunk, beating their wives and kids, and cheating/stealing from others. None of this has a damn thing to do with credit score, so if you have the money to pay your fines and you won't lose your job for a week in jail, you are still able to maintain that status of solid citizenry.

Hercules belongs in the group almost perfectly self-entitled to judge the rest of us. He is honest, law-abiding with sparkling credit and probably had sparkling SAT scores. Me, notsomuch. I am not a genius and obviously I am a crooked debtor. And when Heracles finds out about this situation, he will be disappointed and repulsed.

I have debated with myself about how I ought to handle this problem. Should I dump him first so he CAN'T? Should I beg him to love me despite my felonious credit behavior? Should I be straight up honest with him and tell him taht I expect his FULL emotional support? None of these seem to be realistic options, because the truth is, our relationship will end the day he finds out that I am losing my house. It won't matter what I do.