In which I fail to express gratitude, once again

Today we all got our raises and a big hunk of "retro-pay," which wasn't all that big of a hunk for me. Some people were at the car dealerships when they opened, that's how long they've been with our organization. Now I can get my cable bill caught up.

Frank couldn't contain his excitement. He just had to blab about what a wonderful raise this is (since he was probably around there clear back when Monica and Bill made headlines) right in front of me and some staffers who were not included in the raise. He said, "It's a very nice feeling to wake up one morning and say, 'Wow, I don't have to worry about money anymore,' you know?" No, I don't know.

Luckily I didn't have to make an appearance at the office, so I was spared today's edition of boasting and swaggering around. As I said, I was wholly unimpressed with my raise and my chuck of money. I hate seeing how much gets taken out. I don't understand how gross pay is somewhere near twice what net pay is. Gross is a joke when you have to pay TAXES, TAXES, insurance, insurance, insurance, retirement, and I'm sure there's more. PITA.

I met a friend for coffee, and she didn't have any money on her. She nonchalantly asked if I would "just pay" for it. I expressed some trepidation, because it seems like I pay for both of us most of the time lately. "What? You have a good job, you can afford it." That's what she said. What she meant was, "What? You have a job, you don't have three kids and two car payments and a house that you can't afford, you can pay for the coffee." So I guess I can afford it because I didn't get myself knocked up a bunch of times and I'm not LAZY, so I have a job. I really don't mind paying sometimes, but I don't like people to expect it out of me just because they think I don't have as many financial obligations as they do. They forget that because I don't have any kids, I get taxed to the MAX. It's complete BS if you ask me. Plus, in most families these days, both spouses work. So the bills are shared by two earners. Ain't nobody helping MH out with her bills, uuuuuh -uh. Heck, even when I was married I was a the only earner. X couldn't be bothered to pursue any activity that didn't COST money, let alone one that paid.

After paying for the coffee, I parted company with the friend and went to the grocery store. I stocked up on my staples: Morningstar sausages, Fiber One, Silk, coffee creamer, bottle of wine, and salad stuff. I got home, put everything away, and realized that I was hungry! Good thing I just went to the store, I thought. But I couldn't find anything to eat. Nothing looked appealing. I wanted something sweet, but I am too cheap to waste my money on something that tastes good. It made me think about my lack of commitment to healthy eating. I used to make the best meals. Now, I just throw something in the microwave or don't eat anything at all. I guess for me, eating is no fun when you are alone. The scene at the beginning of Must Love Dogs where Diane Lane is standing at her kitchen counter eating is exactly what my nights are like if I'm home. Pretty sad!

I guess there are some good things about being married, for me. When I was married,
I would make X a cake from scratch every week. I would prepare wonderful dinners and on the weekends, you just better watch out, because MH would be on FIRE in the kitchen! When I went through my raw food phase (which I would like to motivate myself to take up again), I made some of the most interesting and rewarding dishes.

Oh well, I'm better off standing at the counter, nibbling on a stale cracker.